When will be the ending of the story?

13 November, 0130am, cold

When will be the ending of the story?

Reading looking viewing thinking

The story still continuing

Feel angry when knowing about the story still in live

How come others have such a good luck?

Maybe I’m the bad luck

Every time when I reading or viewing about it

I’m quite curious how come it won’t happen on me

But others have that chance

Is it the world is so unfair

Or I’m still at the back hoping thing to be change

More or less I’m hoping others need to be paid for the thing

Unfortunately, the more I’m hate, the more the story won’t end

Maybe I should forget about it

Restart my system and memories

It should be better and make my life feel relax

09 August 2011

Tuesday, rainy

The Date

Suppose is a happy Day

A monthly Reminder in the Diary

A reminder to myself

Happy moment sad Memory

A mystery problem

Finally get the answer

The day before the Date

A new starting to other

New history begin over there

Sad history begin over here

A joyful celebration for the new History

A loneliness celebration for the sad History

A blissful greeting over there

A wordless greeting over here

Huge answer sending to me

Solved apart of the mystery

Feel better at the end

Nothing to be blamed

Silent and facing the truth

All is just a fate

the day

19 April 2011 , 2137pm

There is the day

The day where coming soon to me

I still remembered there is a historical moment in my life during the day

After I'm finished with my phone

I’m walking to the window

Looking around left and right

Curious… there is nothing

So I’m going to opened the door

And I saw a big huge box putting on my brother’s car

I took it and bring back to my room carefully

There was a big sweet teddy doggy sleeping inside the box

A little cute super Mario mushroom accompany the doggy

And also a purple birthday card putting inside the box

All of the detailed I still can remember

Because after some incident

All those thing already become a part of the history in my life

Actually I don’t hope thing that arrange by myself during that day

I really hope there is another big box that I can receive from the same person

But I know it will not happen to me anymore

It just become a historical moment and memory in my life

I really hope everything never happen at all

Thing still remain as previous

Cheer up together

Hang out together

Missing and caring each other

But time is running

Thing is changing

And I myself also have change a lot

I become stronger and tougher than before

I’m growing from the fallen

But sometimes I do have my own feeling

I really hope everything never happen at all

Every year still can get the warm and caring

Can I just make it as my every year birthday wish?

Most of the time

When we make a wish during our birthday time

It really works and comes true in the life

Can I just make it start from this year??

Can I just reverse back the life tape?

To get back the thing that I’ve lost?

I know I’d wake up

But sometimes really hard for me to forget about it

That thing I really thought it can long lasting till the end of my life

But now it stops at the middle

How could I accept it?

But somehow I’ll try to make myself awake from it

There was a great historical memory in my life that given by him

Happy birthday to me in advance

imagination

2 April  2am

cool man...
just a single and simple word or essay can lead a big and huge imagination to the fellow
really admire to him that have such powerful mind of thinking

a place for me to write and release my feeling and mood
but sometimes it also can easily become a place and polluted people's mind

leading and causing people have some thinking
and treating such thing as real

about this, i got nothing to said if everyone is doing so
just one word " go ahead and congratulation"

i don't know how to advice my good imagination fellow
and also totally lost the direction to giving the advise

but if everyone thought this is the best way to trace some resources
then i just can said

you are going to a wrong place and destination


but really hope that fellow can stop doing such fcuking silly action
to care a friend and worry about a friend

what im doing rite now
really enjoying with my current life

im far more better than the worried
im free of worried in my life

a sudden thinking

31 march
Thursday
0146am

Something or memory appeared in my mind

Makes me awake from the feel to sleep

Suddenly think about him

Someone who leaves a lot of memory in my life

Maybe after the incident

I keep finding a lot of method to make myself to forget about it

Numb with it

That’s why I can lives till today after one year

Suddenly I had such feel

Maybe as my friend had told me

“Maybe you are not fully let go or forget about it”

Maybe is it

Or maybe not

I myself can’t get the answer

If everything doesn’t happened

How good is it

Everyone lives happily ever after

Won’t happened the stranger life

But I know

It already become a history in my life

I’d be strong

I‘d lives happily than before

I’d stand up instead of continue falling down

I shouldn’t continue thinking about backward

CHEER UP

I really hope to get another relation

But I have not found anyone yet

Or is it I’d let go everything

Then I can get a new one??

Really hope I can recover from that incident

I must always talked to myself

“I can do it”

“Let go n continue my life”

feeling when looking to someone

29 March Tuesday 1238am

A stranger feel when I looking to someone

When we were young

We don’t know each other

When a coincident happened

We met each other in the same classroom

When we were in school

We started get to know each other

When we are friend

We played like crazy

This is how we know each other

When we are close friend

We tried to know each other more

When we understand each other

We started have our relation

When we have the relation

We caring and loving to each other

This is how we gone through our relation life

When we get into the society

We planned to learn more

When we feel that we are grown up

We had different thinking

When the decision is been made

We don’t wish to waste each other time

When we had the conclusion

We let go the relation

This is what happens when we have the different thinking

We are now back to the beginning

And now we are stranger to each other

We saw each other

And we looking each other with different feeling

We walking on the same path

But we silent

We talking to our friend

But we still trying to see each other from far away

We chatting to friend

But another was standing at behind or far apart

This is what will happen when stranger meet each other

Story begins;

I know he will go to have a movie with his friends

And yet I know after the separation

We won’t have any fate or luck to meet each other on the same path

Therefore I just wish to see him from far apart

But on that day

I was hiding behind

Slowing down my speed when I saw he talking to my friend

When show end

He was walking

Pass by in front of me

But the feeling when looking at him

Can’t be like previous

It just a feeling like I’m looking at a stranger

Previously we are together

And now we are stranger

When left the cinema

I can’t see him anymore even his friends

Our fate to meet each other really less

Maybe that is our fate

He not much changed

Still the same

Just the distance of walking between me and him already not the same as previous

winter day in malaysia

31 Jan 2010, 1.26am

a cold n freezing day in Malaysia

Sky keeps raining from early morning till now

And never stop at all

Make me feel so cold and hiding myself on my bed

Cold weather is good and enjoyable

I love it together with the rain

Raining is my best friend

I love raining

Don’t know what happen to me

Maybe I’m over utilize my energy since my preparation for exam and vacation

Today I slept a lot

After back from market

I went back to my bed sweet bed

From 9am sleep till 6pm

Totally like the 21^st century sleeping beauty

But I’m not beauty

I’m sleeping naughty

But now I still feel sleepy although I sleep a lot for today

More or less it also being influence by the weather

Cold weather and a nice sweet dream

Chinese New Year is coming to town very soon

And just left than one more week to go

But I still haven clean my room

Haven put on my Chinese New Year decoration on it

Wipe my window and change my bed sheet

Everything still not done yet

I’m so lazy

I’m going to start it before Chinese New Year eve

Yesterday went to cinema have a movie with my family

I feel so happy and at the same times family feel is with me

Long time never watch with them

So happy and hope it will get more in future

Cheer ah….

Be hardworking girl and clean my room

Wish myself a happy Chinese New Year and a clean room to sleep

What a funny wish that I’ve made for my own

diary of January

26 Jan 2011, 0235am

Two more weeks to go

Chinese New Year will be coming to town

During Chinese New Year everyone will go back to hometown and celebrate with their family

To me, I don’t have any out station hometown

KL is my hometown

When I was young and kid I love Chinese New Year

But once I grown up I feel bored with it

If whole day didn’t get any single invitation for outing

Beside can get red packet from relatives

It also quite a good day or period where I can have a rest at home as well

Watching television program, eating New Year biscuit made by mummy, online then sleeps

A new year is coming soon

Then what is my fate and luck for this year

Good or bad

Should I rely on it? But I’ll just read and go

My wish for every year is the same

Wish my family member stay healthy and happy always

As well as people around me also must stay happy

One more thing I can’t forget that’s is ask god take care with my studies as well

I know I’m a little greedy naughty rabbit who ask for so many wish

Cause god has to do extra work

As long as family and friends are happy and healthy then I’m happy with it as well

>>> Happy New Year to myself and my family and friends as well <<<

While typing this blog

I’m listening two songs

The song makes me a bit emotional

I feel upset but at the same times I’m okay

My mind is empty

Nothing to worry or thinking

But what makes me feel upset? Curious with it

After when to sleep and next morning I’ll be fine

Just the song influence my mind and emotional

Peoples always said “friendship forever”

Do these words really work?

What ingredient that we must put inside in order to get a friendship forever?

Caring, tolerance, respect, sharing, enjoying....anything more?

Sometimes really hard to read people’s mind

Too many obstacles for me to read their mind

Different people different thinking

Some can hide away their problem well and not sharing to others

Some are finding another party to release the unhappy feeling or mood

Some are choosing to eat a lot to cool down their anger or feeling

Really different people different mind and different perspective

Even myself also not really good in handling friendship problem

I don’t love to share to others

When face problem I only hideaway myself and release my feeling to my hand writing diary or my lock myself in the room or empty place for few minutes to cool down myself
sometimes my acting cause others worry about me

I feel sorry to them who are worry about me

But at that moment I just wish to have a silent place n relax my mind

No matter how or what types of the friendship we have either normal friend, best buddy or close friend

The most basic lesson we must learnt is to respect others

my mood on Saturday

08 Jan 2011, Saturday

almost few weeks i seem like staying in the prison
due to final exam is coming to town
no choice but must face the truth

just now i watched a drama
the speech of the heroin makes me recalled back some incident
last year 2010 Jan 3 was a bad and darkness day of my life
from that incident
it has change my life
i get and learnt a lot knowledge from that day
i should thank to the one who give me such knowledge


but the fact is
sometimes i still not fully left out everything
i still back to the past
referring the past
this is one thing that i don't like myself
but i still a normal and emotional mankind
however, i will ask and pull myself back to the future and current

i believe in one day i can completely step up and ignore the past
but when is the day will comes to me?
I'm wondering and asking as well
the one seem like every enjoy the one's life with the new one
i should wish them
they found their happiness
but in fact
m i really wish them from the true heart or hiding my feeling?
the only person who know the exactly answer just me

i should learn to stop viewing the one's profile and new one's as well
the more i view the more i think and suffering myself
blaming myself reminding myself

sometimes when thing is in front with us
we thought we already appreciating
but in fact how much percent that we are actually putting it?
the amount is still blur
but when thing has gone from our hand
then only we know how much percent we has contribute during the appreciation

i did a big mistake before
and a didn't put enough percentage of appreciation cause i lost everything
but i didn't blame myself or anyone

just reminding myself to work more harder in future